WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR ACTUALLY?

Pathetic isn't it? Huh. What a life. Still wasting my times, empty talks, get mad when everybody asked the same question repetitively. Wuuuuuuuuuuu :/ It's been a long time that my tears didn't drop down. I got tense. What a mess. Sometimes I've been thinking what in life that I'm looking for. Why I do this, do that. In my dua' I'll always ask for Allah to makes my life easier. But I know, it is not as simple as that. My mom always said, that I'm bad luck. You know how upset I am? From that day and onwards, I kept thinking of that 'word'. Maybe you're right. And I've assumed that is true. Everything that I've done, everything that I've been through I feel useless. 
I heard my friends had been offered with that university, this university. Then one thing crossed my mind, am I that unfortunate? When people asked, the only thing that I can do is SMILE. Even my heart had been sick of it, and pretend to be that I'm strong enough. When I'm alone, I couldn't bear my mind to think about my crush, my sins. Dear Allah, am I being punished or am I being tested? :/ Please do forgive me Ya Allah. Ahh, it's been 3.29am. And I am still awake. Am I thinking too much? Sometimes I feel there's no way for me to be like what I've used to. I've got nothing. I don't have any certificates. Matriculation? Huh. Makes my life worst to the very end. Oh btw, now playing Jar of hearts by Christina Perry. Selingan :P
I'm 20 for this year. Am I a woman or still a girl? Ekekeke :p Tak bersyukur kah aku? Ya Allah, aku tahu yang buruk itu pastinya datang dari  diriku sendiri. Ampunkan daku Ya Allah :/

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Much love, Ween Radzi

3.38am

15.7.12